i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
