it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
