He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You are a genius and a whore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
