Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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