I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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