Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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