1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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