Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
