Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize