so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I will be naked everywhere
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize