No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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