OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
