we have pet lesbian snakes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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