i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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