Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
