Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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