sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
