I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
