we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
