Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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