You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
