By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
