When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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