oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
