.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
