Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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