So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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