Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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