i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
