If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
