Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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