Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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