i would punch a child for taco bell
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
