mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
