Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize