Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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