you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize