can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
