Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
