my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize