I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
