They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
