Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
