my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
