tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
