I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
