ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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