there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
