the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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