someone get that fucking seahorse.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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