This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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