i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
