oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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