Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
