Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
