oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
