I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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