I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Buhtt sex?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
