puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
