My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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