I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
