Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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