can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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