I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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