We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
