Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
