When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
