Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
