I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
