I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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