did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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