He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
