He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
