first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
