Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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