Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My first STD was from a foam party
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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