i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
