well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
