ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
