I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
