She is in my trunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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