So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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