It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
