I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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