Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
