Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
