I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
