As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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