You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
