walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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