did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
