rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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