What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
