Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
