I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
