I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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