North Korea, Best Korea!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
