All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
