how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
