I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
