Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
