Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
