why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
