Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
